Goodbye Mick ...

Almost a week ago a pivotal member of our pole family experienced a loss none of us thought possible.

The days following this sad news have been numbed and muted.

The usual online banter grew quiet, the atmosphere in the studio dulled, and each of us has tried to work out how to approach this sadness.

A lot of us have cried, a lot have reflected on our own loved ones, some have re-lived their own losses, and some through newness to our community remain reasonably unaffected.

We try to empathise as best we can, and we’ve all waited watching for clues and signs within this confusing time; hints that show us that life goes on, that show its okay for life to go on.

In the freshness of this loss days feel so unfair, the sun shining is wrong, hearing people laughing is wrong, normalness feels wrong. 

But life does go on... and we work through this time the best we can.  

Our thoughts now turn to standing beside one of our own and being there for her as she says her goodbyes and we say ours with her.

We will share this experience with many others who are unknown to us.

We don’t have exclusivity on her, or on her grief.

As much as we want to claim her solely for ourselves, as much as we want to hold her, help her, and make it all better… we cannot. 

We share only a small part of her grief, as we share her; she is also a daughter, a daughter in law, sister, aunt, granddaughter, colleague, bestie, buddy, and a friend.

She is a strong woman, surrounded by strong women.

In that strength we will unite, we will support, and we will cry. 

We will care for her the best way each of us knows how; some of us will overwhelm her with our good intentions, some will become overprotective and become hypersensitive for her, some will try not to be noticed by her for fear of not knowing what to say or do around her.

A lot of us will fall in between those gaps. We will try to imagine, we will reflect, we will empathise, and we will cope the best we can.

Unfortunately life is not a neat and tidy Facebook quote, death and grief are messy. Hell, even life is messy a lot of the time!

Many of us will play the cruel and pointless mind game of what if, should have, and could have; wondering if with hindsight things could have been different. This doesn’t help the healing, and it certainly won’t change what has happened.

Unexpected losses like this jolt us and remind us how unpredictable life is, how truly fragile we are, and that nothing is guaranteed.

The only response, the only way to move forward is to make sure you live.

Honour those who have had this opportunity taken from them, and out of respect for those who have been left behind.

Live your life in the present.

Yes, absolutely plan for the future, celebrate the past... but the here and now is all we are. 

Here and now is our experience. 

Here and now is all we have been granted.  

So, say those words you’re unsure of: pay that compliment, praise that action, be kind, smile.

Do the things you’ve wanted to do: make plans to get you there, sign up, save up, book it in. 

Appreciate the steps along the way.

Hug that person, brush that hand, touch that face, even just in friendship, or even if it’s more.

Feel it, embrace it, live it.

Savour all that life offers: the bad as well as the good, the simple, the grand, and the in between.

All of it… Every. Damn. Experience. Every. Damn. Day.

From that coffee that’s too hot, that song stuck in your head, to that divine smell you just can’t place. 

For as long, or as short as we have it for, life really is a gift worth living.